Sunday Report: Friendship

What kind of a friend have we? What kind of a friend are we? Attributes of a friend: (list created by the relief society sisters)

• helpful
• trustworthy
• listener
• "they get you"
• accepting
• they know your story
• positive
• same values
• compassion
• dependable
• keep your confidence
• loyal
• willing to serve
• make time for you
• compatible communicator
• cheerful
• smart
• non-judgmental
• honest
• funny
• caring
• forgiving
• empathetic
• compatible, regardless of differences

Joseph Smith himself was a great friend to many. He said, “Friendship is one of the grand fundamental principles of ‘Mormonism’; [it is designed] to revolutionize and civilize the world, and cause wars and contentions to cease and men to become friends and brothers” (History of the Church, 5:517).

Do we feel about friendship as the Prophet Joseph did? Do we turn our good feelings into practical assistance? God knows the needs of His children, and He often works through us, prompting us to help one another. When we act on such promptings, we tread on holy ground, for we are allowed the opportunity to serve as an agent of God in answering a prayer.   The Prophet said: “I will try to be contented with my lot, knowing that God is my friend. In Him I shall find comfort” (The Personal Writings of Joseph Smith, comp. Dean C. Jessee [1984], 239; spelling and punctuation standardized).

It should be obvious to each of us that our ultimate friendship should be with our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. The Savior has affectionately said to us, “I will call you friends, for you are my friends” (D&C 93:45). His greatest desire for us, His brothers and sisters, is to bring us back to our Father. And the way for us is clear: develop in our lives, to the degree that we can, the qualities and attributes of Christ. Obey His commandments and do His work and His will.  Kathleen H. Hughes, “What Greater Goodness Can We Know: Christlike Friends,” Ensign, May 2005, 74

Remember “To have a friend, you must be a friend, too” (Children’s Songbook, “Friends are Fun” 262).

Essential Friendships:  from “8 Friends that Every Woman Needs” http://www.prevention.com/8friendseverywomanneeds/list/1.shtml

1. A Childhood Friend: They know where you are coming from, they know your story. They knew you and your family while you were growing up and likely have many memories and stories of you that no one else does. "These friends remind you that you are still the person you've always been," says Rebecca G. Adams, PhD, people who chat at least every 15 days have the best chance of staying close over time.

2. A New Friend: Unlike members of your grade school crew, newly acquired pals have no preconceived notions about you.  "New friends ignite different kinds of thinking and fresh ways of being." What's more, they'll connect you to another network of people, says Rosemary Blieszner, PhD,

3. A Workout Friend: She’s a motivator, she’ll drag you out for a jog on days when you’d rather be parked on the couch, a good friend may be the glue that makes this healthy habit stick.

4. A Spiritual Friend: Seek more personal opportunities at church or the temple: Volunteer, participate in a lecture series or education, do your visiting teaching, serving in your callings and other opportunities.

5. A Younger Friend: Research shows that an essential element of a happy life is to nurture and feel useful to others—by cooking a wholesome meal, say, or passing on what you've learned through experience. For many women, that itch gets scratched by raising children. But mentoring younger friends (from the office, for example) can give you that same feeling, Blieszner says. To maximize the benefits of this friendship, let advice flow in both directions. A younger confidante can explain the social networking site du jour or offer a fresh take on current events.

6. Your Partner’s Friends: Becoming tight with your husband’s pals is good for your marriage.  "We were surprised," says researcher Kenneth Leonard, PhD, a professor of clinical psychology at SUNY Buffalo. "Including your spouse in your network of friends is nearly as important for marital happiness as making them feel they are a part of your family."

7. Your Mom/ Your Daughter: Despite the inevitable conflicts between grown moms and daughters, the relationships are generally strong, supportive, and close. "There is great value in this bond because mothers and daughters care so much for one another," says study author Karen L. Fingerman, PhD. If you’d like to be closer but run into the same roadblocks over and over, here’s some advice to overcome the most common issues.

• You find it hard to enjoy time with mom: Stop trying to change her, and focus on what you do enjoy, says Fingerman.
• You keep clashing over the same old issues: The women who had the strongest relationships didn't take the conflicts personally. Instead, they tended to see criticism as a reflection of their mother's habits or traits.
• The relationship feels too close for comfort: Daughters who did the best with this accepted that their mothers wanted more time together. Instead of telling their moms what they couldn't do, these daughters focused on when they could get together and what they could do for their mothers.

8. Yourself: If you’re like a lot of women, you’d drop everything to help a friend in need—but often don’t pay yourself the same respect. So, how does one befriend herself, exactly? It starts with self-knowledge, says Prevention advisor Pamela Peeke, MD, MPH, an assistant clinical professor of medicine at the University of Maryland. “Getting to know yourself is an amazing adventure,” she says. “Think of what makes you fall in love with someone: how genuine, sincere, and caring they can be; the unconditional love they offer, no matter what. Doesn't that describe how you should feel about yourself?”
Peeke recommends you repeat the following mantra as a reminder: "I love and honor myself as I do the other important people in my life." To give yourself the TLC you deserve, write down seven things that make you feel happy and healthy (cooking dinner, talking to a friend, running, reading a book), and make sure you do at least one every day.

Added Essential Friend: 

9. Jesus Christ : This friendship will help us get through life, this friendship, like no other will comfort us, bring us peace, and allow us the privilege of repentance to be in our Father’s presence.  For “surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows” Isaiah 53:4 “And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every  kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.” Alma 7:11-12

“What then is a true friend of God?  President David O. McKay explained the process: “That man is most truly great who is most Christ-like.” What you sincerely in your heart think of Christ will determine what you are, will largely determine what your acts will be.” “By choosing [Jesus Christ] as our ideal, we create within ourselves a desire to be like him, to have fellowship with him.” (Conference Report, Apr. 1951, p. 93, p. 98.) To become a friend of God is possible because of the Mediator, the Prince of Peace, Jesus Christ, the Son of God. Let us now consider additional teachings of the prophet Benjamin:

“For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.” (Mosiah 3:19; italics added.)  One of the real purposes of life is to become a friend of the Mediator, our Savior and Redeemer, and not only understand his mission but also support it and then qualify to be called his friend, his disciple, and to enter into the presence of his Father.

“I give unto you these sayings that you may understand and know how to worship, and know what you worship, that you may come unto the Father in my name, and in due time receive of his fulness.” (D&C 93:19.)  Prophets and Apostles testify of the importance of Christ being our friend. The testimony of President Spencer W. Kimball last year in general conference touched my heart when he concluded his address by testifying: “I know that Jesus Christ is the Son of the living God and that He was crucified for the sins of the world. He is my friend, my Savior, my Lord, and my God. With all my heart I pray that the Saints may keep His commandments, have His Spirit to be with them, and gain an eternal inheritance with Him in celestial glory.” (Ensign, Nov. 1982, p. 6.)  To be able to say “He is our friend” means that we need to qualify as his friends, to have the same purposes, to be advocates and strong defenders of his cause.” ""Charles Didier, “Friend or Foe,” Ensign, Nov 1983, 23

“The real issue is not how others define us but how the Savior defines us. So the question is, how does He personally view each and every one of us? Therefore, as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we need to focus our concern with our own relationship to our Heavenly Father and the Savior, Jesus Christ.

In the last moments of my father’s righteous and exemplary life, with all of the strength he could muster, he uttered in a hardly audible voice, “I only hope the Savior will find me worthy to call me His friend.” Oh, to be called a friend of the Savior! As my father yearned, I also wondered, would Christ count me as one of His sheep? Would He see me striving to exemplify His teachings and live His divine principles? Would He call me a disciple? Would He call me a friend? This is what really matters.

The Savior gave the criteria for His friendship in the 15th chapter of John, in which He states, “Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you” (John 15:14). He further gave the acid test when He said, “Ye shall know them by their fruits” (Matt. 7:16; see also Matt. 7:17–18, 20). This is how we will all be judged—by our fruits, good or bad. In the final judgment, if our fruits so warrant, we will be invited to sit on the right hand of God. There I believe will be His friends.

So, if we, even in our weak and stumbling way, are earnestly striving to live a Christlike life, how others choose to characterize us should be of little consequence. The responsibility for our Christianity is ours. Others may characterize us as they will, but the true and righteous Judge will judge us as we are. Our discipleship is for us to determine, not someone else.

When we were baptized we each voluntarily took upon ourselves the name of Christ. The taking of His name upon ourselves results in a covenant to follow His teachings. We have a chance to renew our covenants and take inventory of our daily lives every time we partake of the sacrament.

We can all ask ourselves the standard questions: Are we praying daily, personally and as a family? Are we reading the scriptures? Are we holding our family home evenings and paying our tithing? The list can go on. But the real question is: Are we becoming a disciple? Are we becoming a friend?”  Richard C. Edgley, “A Disciple, a Friend,” Ensign, May 1998, 11